Microsoft is having a mid-life crisis and is looking for the right sports car to purchase before divorcing its wife of 20 years for a 23 year old blond.

Here are some other, better suggestions from some folks out there in internet land, courtesy of CNET.

I can see the commercials now…”What is the deal with these new operating systems? I mean, c’mon, who makes these damn things? Who are these people?”

Only time will tell…

It only took three days for the morons to finally give up the charade. I think they underestimated the blanket of media coverage that they would receive and just couldn’t stand it any longer.

How could you keep a straight face showing people those pictures? Hilarious!

James Robinson is. All three of them. A whole new federal government department was formed to make a list to protect United States citizens, and that list states that they are.

Thank you to Drew Griffin and Kathleen Johnston(via CNN), for this wonderfully written article.

While I did chuckle a bit, this is really sad. It’s a surreal foreshadowing of George Orwell’s 1984. The list has United States citizens on it, is made by a government agency, yet you can’t get a copy of this list for yourself. Didn’t they pass some act or something that was supposed to, like, give…you know…United States citizens, like, the power to get, like, copies of all the documents they wanted, or whatever? How could I be so stupid? Revealing the list would pose a huge threat to national security, especially if James Robinson is on the list. The government didn’t even know there were three of them! That’s scary, people!

I’m not sure whether or not my favorite part of the article is when they reveal how each of the Robinson families avoid being flagged by the list or when they reveal that one James Robinson is eight years old.

If they ever catch the real terrorist that refers to himself as James Robinson they better let everyone know what he looks like, that they have apprehended him, and make sure they take his name off of that damn “list.”

From the wonderful folks that brought us the Gulags, that same group has now brought forced labor to Georgia.

Any hint of criticism from the United States on this matter would be viewed as extremely hypocritical. Not that something like that has ever stopped us from wagging our fingers at other countries before. Don’t get me wrong, though. I am not siding with Russia on this one. Ossetia was looking to secede from Georgia, and when the Georgian government tried to preserve their nation’s union, Russia intervened. That would have been like France or Great Britain intervening during the American Civil War, or Germany siding with General Franco during the Spanish Civil War…oops, I mean the United States intervening during the Mexican Revolution - shit! Forget it.

Here’s what the head nincompoop had to say about it, courtesy of the Associated Press. You could almost re-write the entire article substituting the word “Iraq” for every “Georgia,” Putin giving the “stern warning” to the United States, and the date of the article would be 2002.

LOL

Come on, fellas. How long do you really think you can keep up this charade? I say two weeks. Who wants to put some money on it?

One of many heroes to come out of World War II.

I love how they point out the fact that this poor gentleman was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder 63 years after the war. I’ve seen more of those photos documenting the Holocaust then I care to mention. Mr. Hoyt was a nineteen year old Iowa farm boy who was one of the lucky ones to make it through the Battle of the Bulge, and then he stumbled upon Buchenwald in a German forest.

Now think about all those young kids in Iraq who only needed college tuition money. I’m not saying toppling Saddam Hussein was a bad thing, but I don’t see any politician’s kid fighting over there. That’s why people like that are so quick to fight a war. They just want a lucrative government contract.

I’ll stop, because I don’t want that to take away from Mr. Hoyt’s memory.

Are they doing this because they’re afraid she’ll start crying once the nomination has been announced?

Seriously. Would they have done this if it was a man that had lost with that slim of a margin?

A “unification gesture,” eh? Bologna!

The state, not the country. Check out this article.

Caroline McCarthy blows this one right out of the water. I can’t believe that people are still trying to claim finding or killing Bigfoot. Many people enjoy good stories, but I guess it’s a little hard to write them and get them published when you’re illiterate.

Maybe they found the Swamp Thing and they have mistaken it for Bigfoot.

Check out the Mystery Casebook website for Bigfoot pictures for you to conduct your own investigation with. Happy hunting!

If anyone ever asks you what the definition of irony is, and you don’t have a dictionary handy, show them this article.

Of course you don’t see a need for a US military presence in Georgia - because you don’t want to start World War III, you idiot.

The latest comments from the Bush administration mouthpieces on this whole event have been absolutely hilarious. I just want to give credit to all the spokespeople that have been able to keep straight faces spouting all this rhetoric.

More talk of the super-soldier pill/serum/patch again. Got to keep those boys awake and alert. Since everyone knows that a battlezone environment doesn’t have any negative effects on mental health, stuffing young soldiers full of mind altering pills before the battle begins might not be such a bad idea, eh?

Check out this “Wired” article.

Sorry, Sammy, I think this type of stuff only works in the comic books.